Added on: Jun 21, 2012

What Becomes Dirty...
Average Rating: 5 (1 votes) Rate this comic
Jun 21, 2012
Lightfoot
There's a lot of fan-service here, maybe a little too much- I'm not sure. This chapter is going to be pretty story-heavy though, so something appealing visually might balance it out.

I'm not sure about the last two panels. I think I tried to squeeze a complicated joke into two small panels. She still hasn't gotten used to seeing her reflection in the mirror (since her physical changes).

I might either edit those panels, or just edit her "what the?!" comment to something more specific.

Comments:

Jun 21, 2012
Grey Garou
It sounds to me like you're feeling rather ambivalent about certain elements to your stories.
Jun 21, 2012
Lightfoot
I think it's just that something seems a little off here, and I'm not sure what.
Jun 21, 2012
Grey Garou
With dialouge, panel flow, the joke, maybe the "fan-service"?
Jun 22, 2012
Lightfoot
I guess the last two panels need some kind of change. Either just a dialog change, or changing the artwork in the "what the?!" panel.

I'm always uncertain about any potentially controversial page when I don't finish it far enough in advance to really think it over. With this page I had to post it before I had time to come to a conclusion about it.

I guess the fan-service is okay. It's kind of a lot compared to the rest of the comic so far, but not something that seems totally out of place.
Jun 26, 2012
Grey Garou
Well, the fan-service is kind of necessary to get the joke to work. My guess is perhaps the three panels that the joke is in could be more clear on what the joke is exactly. The second panel is rather amibiguous on that. Perhaps if she was looking down at her chest, it might have more impact.

Frankly, I hardly see any controversy at all with a bit of cheesecake. It's not vulgar or obscene or anything like that. So many mainstream comics are far more guilty than you on the cheesecake factor, FAR more guilty. The most "obscene" thing that can really be said about your art is you like well-endowed women. So do millions of other guys, including me.
Jul 26, 2012
Tibbittz
It's pretty tastefully done, I don't see an issue. I've been skittish about the nudity/cheesecake/adult content in my own comic, but none of it is for its own sake alone; there's always a story or thematic or character-building purpose. This is a really good character page.